【松岡家の子供達】2000年 修行開始に産まれた長女。2003年 独立の時に産まれた長男。2009年 自社製品展開の時に次女。新たな挑戦の時、踏ん張りどころの度に産まれてきてくれた子供達。おかげさんで逃げないでいられた。やせ我慢ができた。ヤルしかねえって思えた。思えば親父らしい事など何もしていない。母子家庭のような状態だ。俺が親父として彼らに出来る事は、ただ愛おしく思うことだけだ。俺は俺でいっぱいいっぱいだ。教えたい事なんて特に無いけど、ただ見て伝わってほしいと思う。彼らに伝えたいのは、平等なんてものは無いってこと。容姿、能力、性格、環境、生まれながらにどこにも平等は無い。１日２４時間。１年３６５日。この時間てやつですら平等ではない。与えられた時間と自ら選択し活動できる時間とでは全くの別ものだ。いつも当たりまえに不平等で理不尽だ。だからこそ人間は自由だということ。何一つ嘆く事なんて無い。夢や目標なんかに縛られないでほしい。そんな小さなことの為に自由を失ってはいけない。もっともっと大きな流れに沿って生きてほしい。大きな見方をすれば、自分の根本は変えられない。自分が出来る事や能力なんてそう多くはないし増える事もない。与えられた自分の「分」なんてものは既に決まっていてこの先も動かしようが無い。だから、どう足掻いても大きく未来は変えられない。もう既に決まっているストーリーの中で生きていると思う。全ての事はもう全部決まっている事なんだと思っている。あくまで自分の「分」の中でしか生きられない。分相応ってやつだ。それに抗うと進めなくなる。夢や目標がスムーズな流れの邪魔をする。求めた自由は遠ざかる。そんな事より今この瞬間を受け入れて大きな流れに身を任せること。自分の出来る事、人から求めてもらえる事をただいつも一生懸命やり続ければいい。そうやって自分と社会が繋がっていく。それが自由に繋がっている。だから見えない未来を怖がる必要は無い。必ず繋がっていくからだ。んで、いつか自分の生きる場所が見つかると良いなと思う。水なのか大地なのか、それとも空か。水なら海なのか川なのか湖か。もしかしたら池や沼かもしれない。憧れや理想なんかじゃなくて、本当に自分にとって心地の良いところ。沼より大海の方がイカしてるように感じるかもしれない。でもダメだ。沼の生物は海では生きられない。逆も同じ。自分は自分なのだ。理想とは違うかもしれないけど、それを受け入れられた時に自由は無限に広がる。自由とは社会と繋がれたことで、たった今この瞬間に無限に広がった選択肢。自由を与えてくれるのは自らの分を全うする社会に対する責任だ。職種の話じゃない。もちろん立場やお金の話でもない。心の在るべき場所の話だ。もっと生意気を言えば魂の拠り所だ。いつか、これの為に生きてきたんだと思える時が来る。そうやってきっと天命ってのに出会えるんだとと思う。とは言えこの親父もまだまだもがいている。せっかく乗っかれた心地良い大きな流れについ抗って見失ってしまう。まだ自分てもんが理解できていない。納得しきれていない。自分の小さな夢や目標に縛られてしまう。でも、それでいいんだと思っている。一生こんな感じかもな。とも思っている。自己採点ようやく20点の俺が今思えることだ。この境地に辿り着けた訳ではない。何となくそう思い始めたということだ。最近、中三の長女に言われた。「お父ちゃんがお父ちゃんで良かった」「あたりめえじゃん。自信あるぜ〜笑」と答えた。俺は彼らに本当に感謝している。カッコつけるためにやせ我慢ができた。お陰でどうにかこうにか格好がついている。 2000 First daughter was born at the beginning of my training. 2003 First son was born at the establishing own company. 2009 Second daughter was born when striating own products They all have been born when I initiated something new and/or I need to hang in there. Thanks to them, I was not able to escape from new challenges. They enabled me playing fake stoicism. They made me think of me having no choice other than overcoming challenges. I have never done what fathers are supposed to do. My family is as if fatherless family. All what I can do would be just loving them. I have been having my hands full. I have nothing specials to teach them, while, I would hope them to feel something from me. What I would like to convey is there are no equality in the world. Since being born, differences exist in appearance, capability, personality, and environment. 24 hours per day, 365 days per annum. Even time would not be equally available. It would be completely different between the time to be given time and time available to be utilized proactively. It is always unequal and unfair. That is why human beings would be free. There is none to be worried about. I would like for them to free from dreams and goals. We should not lose freedom due to such trivial stuffs. I would like them to live in line with more longer term movements. Looking from very high level, it is impossible to change our origins. What we can do and our capability may neither be many nor dramatically increase. What we can do and cannot do would be already given since our birth and would not be changed at all. So, we cannot change our futures whatever we do. I believe we are living in the already written stories. I believe everything has been already decided. I cannot live in other than what we can do and we cannot do. I live in my given conditions. When resisting it, we cannot go forwards. Dreams and goals would interfere smooth flow. It keeps you from freedom required. Rather, accepting this moment and leave ourselves to major flow. What is required would be just seriously executing what we can do and what others expect on you. Then, we are connected to the society. At the end, it is connected to freedom in the future. So, you do not worry about futures which may not be visible now. It will be connected for sure. And, I hope they find their own place some day. It may be water, land, or sky. If water, whether it is rivers or lakes ? Or it may be ponds or marshes. Somewhere you would be really comfortable rather than admirations and/or ideals. You may feel oceans appear to be better than marshes. However, it is not good at all. Creature suitable for marshes may not survive in oceans. The opposite is also true. You are purely yourself. It may be different from your ideal situations, however, when you accept it, you are able to acquire unlimited freedoms. Freedom would be alternatives unlimitedly open to you now due to connecting to the society. The responsibility, performing what are able to do, would give us freedom. It is not matter of what kind of occupation. It is matter of neither titles nor money. It is matter where your mind exist. It would be place where your soul exist if I would say cheekily. Someday, you will realize you have lived for this. I believe you are able to meet your providence. However, actually, your father has been still struggling. I have tended to cope with the long-awaited major flow on which I finally managed to ride. I still do not understand myself. I have not accepted what I am. I have tended to be tied up with my small dreams and goals. However, I have recently think of it as is. I would not change so much from now for entire my life. It would be the state where the person whose self-scoring is 20 percent out of 100. I have not reached this state. I have been gradually realizing it. Recently, I was told by third daughter in third year in the junior high school. "I am pleased to have you as my father." I replied "Of course, I have the self-confidence." I really appreciate them. I have tried not showing my weakness for show-off. Thanks to them, somehow I would taken shape somehow. Written by Shigeki Matsuoka
